Explore God, Appreciate the Journey.

Moments. Our everyday lives are made entirely out of moments, with each moment having a different effect on you. Some moments are sheer seconds and others are 1hr and 45min conversations like the one I just had.

The conversation started with me showing my good friend, Tanya, a video of my newest crush, but I felt that it would end up being much serious than I had expected. And I was right.

Recently I've been going through so much in my life, but you wouldn't know it because all my suffering and pain is dealt with when I'm alone/in my mind. I never let anything in or out when it comes to me personally and my struggles, partly because I don't want to be judge and partly because I'm not comfortable with opening up that much. But today was different.

Before things really got serious, I secretly prayed that God change my life drastically. And boy did He answer fast. In the course of an hour and forty-five minute conversation, I gave up: Facebook, Twitter, iced tea, most of my friendships, and dancing, which was the biggest one to get rid of. Facebook and Twitter for obvious reasons. Iced tea and dancing because they remind me of Tanya, who God has told me to distance myself from due to the connection/draw I have towards her. (We've had a little history of which I have/am not able to get over) This was hard because 1. I had just fallen in LOVE with dancing and 2. me and her are best friends now, but still I know deep down that the connection I've placed on her is still there and is blocking me from breaking through/being closer to God.

And most of my friendships (temporary) because they are all with girls, mostly. And I've been really attached to the idea of relationships, almost a slave to it, and my many Female companions couldn't be helping. So off to find male friends which has always been a struggle for me. It seems like every time I talk to a guy a wall goes up. I tense up and there's a complete disconnect. So that has to change in this whole process as well.

Moments. This was a big one. New things are coming my way, just don't know how long it will take to receive them. This is where I'm at in my life and I hope to be out of this state S O O N.

(sorry if my writing seems scattered or not cohesive. You can imagine where my head is right now. :/ Until later. I'll keep you posted on the progress.)