Kid Heave.

Thaaaaaaaat's Meeeeeeeee!(In Amanda Bynes voice)
If I've never said it before, I'll say it now. I am a dancer. I never really felt comfortable identifying myself as a dancer before because, well, I thought I sucked. I honestly didn't feel that it was fair to the world of dance if I identified myself as a legitimate dancer. However, as I continued to participate in dance at church I got more confident. So confident in fact that I now feel more comfortable saying I AM A DANCER! Lol
So now that step one is over, it's time for me to move on to step two; getting trained. Now I could continue to train just in contemporary, but nope. I decided that I want to challenge myself as a dancer (woah that felt cool to say...lol) and branch out into different styles of dance, starting with KRUMP. Now you may be asking yourself "Why krump? What the heck is it anyways?" and I would totally understand where you're coming from. Krump is probally the furthest thing from contemporary and is the craziest dance style out there, which is exactly why I wanted to learn. That and I'm practically surrounded by it!
See to me krump is not just a dance style. It's a fight, a tremendous display of both passion and love (for God that is). It's a powerful alternative to praising God rather than singing or praying. Krump has the power to completely intoxicate you with an overwhelming feeling of perserverance against the many attacks of the enemy. When I watch someone krump, I see someone who's both praising God while silencing the attacks of the enemy. This is exactly why I wanted to krump. (I hope that my elaborate descriptions made some lick of sense)
I know that krump is not going to be easy, even though it looks like it should. There are many components that go into it. You don't just go up there pretending to have a seizure, which is how most some somewhat simple-minded people see krump. I should know because I was one of them. But after recieving my first lesson/labbing for the first time with my big hommie aka teacher TERREL (insert shoutout here), I realized that there was a lot that I'm going to have to learn. But I'm up for it! It's going to be a long way off until you see me in the middle of a session with all eyes on me, but until then I'll be in the shadows during sessions @ 143 perfecting my skillz.
Until next time,
Kid Heave (btw that's my krump name)
P.S. watch some of these vids and just pretend that the people krumping are me







(excuse the french)

For The Moment...

So I decided to start a new thing called "For The Moment..." which will be a couple of things that I'm into for the moment...I'll do it every so often....enjoy

Me.

I have to work on myself.
For the past couple of weeks I have been more obedient with having quiet time.(Quiet time equals spending time to talk/listen to God.) A lot of the things that I've been hearing from Him have been amazingly awesome. I've learned that I need to be more patient with the things that I want. I have to have faith in God and all that He says He will do/has for me. But in my last quiet time, I got that I need to be more focused on myself. Now this to me was really good advice because lately I've been crushing on someone and most of my thoughts have been about her. I understood why God was telling me to do this so I had no problem with it. But I guess I didn't realize how serious God was about this. Today I learned that my crush likes someone else. I'm not that type to chance after people so I've decided to let the crush go. While this maybe sad (go ahead and insert your "awwwww"'s here), I'm not that upset. It maybe because I'm used to things happening like this. Or because I didn't have that much faith regarding this. But whatever the reason, I know that God made this happen for a reason. I'm happy because now I get to grow in a way that I probably wouldn't have if I was always thinking about my crush. Now I get to work on me, which has always been something that I have said but never really got around to doing. Right now, however, seems like the perfect time. School life has been great. My relationship with Dad has been awesome. Social life = check. The thing I could work on is my style though, lol. I really want to start being more fresh. (I can literally feel you judging me) But its cool. I'm just being honest.
I look forward to my continual growth. Next time you see me I'll be one fresh kid, who just so happens to have a strong faith, love in/for God.
'Til Next Time...
STay ORganized.

Φλόγα.

Fire is life. This is a phrase that is used so much to the point where it is almost a cliche. But what does it actually mean? Taken literally this phrase makes sense. Fire is used to decontaminate water, cook food, and provide warmth. All there of which are essential to sustain one's life. We need clean water, food, and warmth/shelter if we want in order to survive. "Fire is Life" also has a figurative/spiritual meaning to it. Lately my fire has been out. My fire for everything really, not just spiritual. My fire for, not only God but, my fire to overcome my struggles, my fire to maintain/strengthen my close friendships, my fire to clean my room (!), they've all been out lately. There's this vision that just came into my head that can illustrate what I'm going through. A person is holding a lit candle. There's always wind blowing the flame but it never goes out because the person's hand is covering it. However the person keeps getting distracted and he drops they drop their hand. The flame goes out. My life's been so distracted that I haven't been giving time to those things that should have priority in my life. Every time I go to light the candle that is my life/spirit the wind just knocks it right out. My hand is never there. It's funny because as I'm writing this I keep getting new images and answers from God. I got that even though my hand my not be there, His will always be there. I just have to find faith in myself that the flame won't go out this time. It has gone out so much that I've come to expect the flame to die as soon as i lit the candle. But the things that I've witnessed this week are examples of how its important for me to continue to have faith in every thing that I do. I have to light the flame. Wow. Honestly the only real thing that I've kind of been on fire for is dance. I talked about my love for dance before but I have to talk about it again. How can I say this? Hmmmm....I FREAKING LOVE IT! It's such a blessing in my life. Recently I've decided to take my dancing a little further. Krump. This is the equivalent to fire, speaking of fire. The passion one must have is astronomical. I respect everything about this style of dance. It's the personification of how I want to live my life. All things happen for a reason, right? So the fact that joining a fam and learning how to krump at this moment in my life has to be from God. The time in my life when I feel my flame has gone out, just happens to be the same time I join a fam? Wow. Haha. God's a funny dude. I look forward to the fire to come back. If you ask me, I'm ready.
Φλόγα- Greek word meaning Fire.

Listen.

I've been having a hard time listening to God about something that He's been telling me for awhile now. What He's been telling me to do just seems so awkward to me. But sometimes you just have to do what God wants you to do no matter what because He always has your best interest at heart. I pray that He gives me the strength and courage to do what He's telling me to do. All I can do is trust that it will be better for me. 

Ashlie 'Buttface' Pruitt

Welp, what can I say I love this girl! She is easily the best person in the world and I'm so glad to have her in my life. I first met her when I was a tutor. My tutee wasn't in school that day so I decided to say hi to my friend Anne whose tutor was Ashlie. Even though we both went to the same church and youth group I didn't know her that well because I wasn't that involved with the church. This all changed when I started to know her more. One day I told her I was interested in dance and the next thing I knew I was dancing with Rami, not knowing a thing about dance but I was there. From the start she told me I was good but I didn't believe her. But apparently she was right because Rami thought I was good too. (And if you know Rami you would know that this was an awesome compliment) As time grew on we grew more and more closer, always being mistaken for being together but nope it wasnt like that. We were always just really close friends even calling each other bro/sis. But I was the LITTLE bro because she was older than me. Whatever! Our junior year we were together all the time because most of our classes were together and I can honestly say that I had the best times ever!!!! I will never forget the times we had playing around in study, Ms. Shah's class, and let's not forget MR. HUIE!!!!! ahhhhhh the best!!!!

Even though we're close we never really have deep moments. One time though during the retreat we did this appreciation thing. She told me that I was her best guy friend she had. What can I say I was touched. I think we got even closer after that.

WE EVEN WENT TO PROM TOGETHER!! Again good times!! LMAO

I will love this girl and I will always love her. I hope she is always in my life no matter what!!!

<3 <3 <3

LETS GO

I'm bacccccccccck!! lol I'm sure none of you missed my blog posts but it's cool. A lot has gone on since I've been gone so this post will just be a recap.
To start off I've grown a lot lately, spiritually and physically(?), [I didn't just want to write spiritually lol]. Mostly spiritually though. My relationship with God has grown tremendously. I now feel on fire for God and His love and I don't care who sees or knows. Before I didn't really feel like I was on fire for His love. The kind of fire that I would see in other kids at Rev143 was something I desperately wanted but I just didn't know how to obtain it. I would get to the point where I would feel so down when I got to Rev because I wanted so badly to be like those who I saw had that fire. Needless to say I was jealous. Recently I did a week fast from technology and social media, and from that I was able to learn so much about myself (seven different levels...yea I know kinda weird but hey that's what God gave me). After this fast I, and a lot of other people, have seen this huge growth, and I'm so excited. I love it when God answers pray. (I mean, who doesn't?)
Because of this growth, I was able to get something else from God that I thought I would never get: I'm ready for a relationship. I made this promise to myself, which God never made me break (the reason why my last two 'experiences' didn't work out). The promise was that I never wanted to be in a relationship if I was still dealing with my struggle because I cared to much about the other person, whoever they might be, to hurt them. I had rushed to get into a relationship twice before, even though I knew I wasn't ready, but God wasn't going to let me break my promise so they both didn't work out. At the time I was really upset, but looking back on it now I'm glad God was able to stop me from doing something incredibly stupid.
Now that I've grown more God told me, while I was doing "quiet time" (that's in quotes because it was really the couple minutes of me laying in bed before I knocked out lol), that I was ready to go that extra step and have a relationship. Now you would think that I would be extremely excited but I wasn't all that much because I didn't want to go through relationship drama. So I've decided to give all that to God. I want Him to be in charge of my steps relationship-wise. So for now I'm just focusing on having DOPE friendships and if God wants anything to go further He'll make it so, if not then I'm not going to sweat it. This is probably one of the best decisions I've made because there's so less drama involved and it's great. (Anyone reading this should take notes....lol)
In terms of style, I feel like I'm maturing. With college right around the corner, I've decided to be a little more sophisticated and grown-up this school year, again style wise. I've even starting reading a "grown-up" magazine, GQ. (insert jokes here __________) but I don't care I like that magazine. Hey maybe I could write for it one day. That would be great. (You listening Jesus?)
Speaking of college, I've been confused.....until I prayed. I got that I should look into Gordon, so I did and I loved it. I really feel that it's for me. I really want to stay in God's presence, and here I would be able to do that. Abroad studies and missions? Sign me up. I pray that I will receive the scholarship and I hope you guys will pray for me too. Don't worry I'll return the favor. :)
My life's been looking up lately and I just really pray that everything will continue to look up. I love God with ALL MY HEART and I look forward to what he has for me in the future. Until next time,

Stay Awesomesauce.
PS enjoy the song.....I've been obsessed with her lately.

WOW.....

...Haven't blogged in awhile :(

Explore God, Appreciate the Journey.

Moments. Our everyday lives are made entirely out of moments, with each moment having a different effect on you. Some moments are sheer seconds and others are 1hr and 45min conversations like the one I just had.

The conversation started with me showing my good friend, Tanya, a video of my newest crush, but I felt that it would end up being much serious than I had expected. And I was right.

Recently I've been going through so much in my life, but you wouldn't know it because all my suffering and pain is dealt with when I'm alone/in my mind. I never let anything in or out when it comes to me personally and my struggles, partly because I don't want to be judge and partly because I'm not comfortable with opening up that much. But today was different.

Before things really got serious, I secretly prayed that God change my life drastically. And boy did He answer fast. In the course of an hour and forty-five minute conversation, I gave up: Facebook, Twitter, iced tea, most of my friendships, and dancing, which was the biggest one to get rid of. Facebook and Twitter for obvious reasons. Iced tea and dancing because they remind me of Tanya, who God has told me to distance myself from due to the connection/draw I have towards her. (We've had a little history of which I have/am not able to get over) This was hard because 1. I had just fallen in LOVE with dancing and 2. me and her are best friends now, but still I know deep down that the connection I've placed on her is still there and is blocking me from breaking through/being closer to God.

And most of my friendships (temporary) because they are all with girls, mostly. And I've been really attached to the idea of relationships, almost a slave to it, and my many Female companions couldn't be helping. So off to find male friends which has always been a struggle for me. It seems like every time I talk to a guy a wall goes up. I tense up and there's a complete disconnect. So that has to change in this whole process as well.

Moments. This was a big one. New things are coming my way, just don't know how long it will take to receive them. This is where I'm at in my life and I hope to be out of this state S O O N.

(sorry if my writing seems scattered or not cohesive. You can imagine where my head is right now. :/ Until later. I'll keep you posted on the progress.)

I Will Exalt You....Forever

Holes.

Well in this case there's just one hole. A giant God-sized hole. I learned something new about myself the other day while at Revolution 143 (my youth group for all who don't know). It was question and answer night regarding relationships. I've never been in one before nor did I think I would be in one anytime soon. I did have some experiences but both had been over for awhile so I knew I was going to have any questions or learn anything i needed. But I was wrong. I had not been paying attention for the majority of the time but for some reason when the next question was asked I started to pay attention. (this had to be an act of God) The question was: How do you get over someone when all you can think about is being with them? That's when I realized I hadn't really squashed one of my past experiences. Rami(youth leader that i love) answered the question. In short she said that there is this thing in "Christianese" called a God-sized hole. A God-sized hole is a hole that is inside someone that can only be filled by God and His love. Yet most people tend to fill it up with things like drugs, sex, or in my case the hope of a relationship. I have never heard of this before, but as soon as I heard it, I knew it applied to me. I never looked at my problem as having a hole inside me that I fill with things that can't in a million years fill up.
Now that I do know about it, I've decided to do all I can to continue to seek God's love and ask that His love will fill me up ten-fold. This has not gone unchallenged though. As I try to better my life I continue to be remind by the things that I really want to fill my hole up with. Even at church.
I know I can get through this. It's just the question of when?

Wasting Some Time....

How Do I Do That?

"Do you."
"What?"
"Be your own person is what I mean."
"I am...i think? How do I do that?

It's fair to say that "being yourself" is a common area of life that everyone must deal with. What seems like an easy enough thing to do, is actually a wolf in sheep's clothing. One may feel/think that wearing baggy pants (or tight ones now), is something that they would consider "them", but is actually evidence of their subconscious mimicking the world around them. I put myself in the category of not always knowing what I considered to be "me" and what I considered to be "them". Most times I would mentally beat myself up over the fact that I didn't "know who I am". I put this in quotes because I don't necessarily believe in this particular phrase. #OverUsed/#Overrated. But sadly it's true. There's never anyone, nor is there going to be anyone, who will give you the specific steps on how to become a better you. The obvious reason why is because they will NEVER know who you are better than yourself. Another obstacle in the field, which deems the question of: is it worth it? All this work just to be myself? Nah, no thanks. <-- Usual thoughts that lead to massive numbers of people, rather followers who would like it more to just follow the crowd than to take the time to actually get to know themselves more.

I bring this topic up because I've been dealing with it recently, but on the positive note. Normally it's custom for me to coward before the world, never letting them see who I really am. But recently I've been changing. I DON'T CARE. Maybe due to all this time I spend with people who have been adopted this custom, their attitudes are starting to ware off on me? Or maybe (probably the real reason) the cry of my heart is being slowly, but surely, answered which is great news for me.

I leave you with this. Don't follow the crowd. The journey to who is worth it. I have to give props to Soulja Boy and his "Pretty Boy Swag" song. I was originally going to bash it in this post, but as I thought about it that song actually confirms what I'm trying to say. In it, he's definitively indicating his "Swagg" or in other words is proclaiming that this is who he is. And with a song like that I got to say I believe him.



**Remember Do You. (or at least try)

Ending The Night Well.

Those Lights in the Sky....

AHHHH...the Fourth of July...a time of cookouts, bug spray, and love? Well to me this last one is always apart of my July 4th experience. I know I'm not only when I say "There's something about watching the fireworks that makes you want to experience it with gf/bf." Yeah yeah I know it sounds mushy/I sound maddddd desperate (which I'm not) but it's true. Alert: I'm about to sound mad girly. But there is something about fireworks that's kinda romantic. Again, I dont know how to explain it but there is. Alert #2: I'm about the to embarrass myself. One thing that I guess you can say is on my bucket list is that I wanna experience fireworks with that special someone...maybe it'll make the whole experience a little more special ya know? That;s defiantly not going to happen this year LOL but maybe Next...all i need is a girlfriend? hmmm any takers? (I'll keep you posted if anything comes up lmbo) Until then guys....happy fourth!! Not outside to see the fireworks? Me either. We can enjoy these pics though lol.

Sigh...Fashion

Well....here I go...
I don't know why this is so hard for me to admit. Actually I do, but it's way to complicated. So here I go...I like fashion. I've always been into it. For some reason though I never really wanted anyone to know about it. This mainly stems from me always caring about what others think about me. Recently though, I realized that this personality trait has hindered me way too long. It's time for me to start NOT caring.

With that, I would like to share some of the fashion I think is DOPE-TASTiC. This is called Graffiti-Couture seen in Paris Vogue.

Inspiration

(props to my mentor Manny for the idea)
The biggest thing that we as a human race should give thanks to God for (aside from sending His son to die on the cross for our sins) is the gift of gifts. Through the different gifts that each of us receives, we are able to add a brush stroke of our personal paint color to the mural that is the world. Gifts provide us with a door by which we allow others to see into who we really are. However, some people leave their gifts by the waste side, never giving themselves a chance to reach their maximum potential. At one point, this was me. Ever since ever, I've always been attracted to the art form of dance. Theatrical, modern, or street, I've always had an affinity towards the different movements of the body. Fear and doubt, however, was always there to stop me from fully becoming personal with dance. Questions and excuses seemed endless when it came to reasons why I shouldn't take dance up. Until one day a friend (almost sister) of mine introduced me to dance. Thrown into it, and scared out of my mind, I hesitantly became more familiar with dance. Then, I feel in love. For years the cry of my heart was to find something that was mine. To find that one thing that I could label as my gift. My lover. Dance was my answer. With dance, one is allowed to completely express their inner emotions. The ultimate portal into the mind. Anger. Stress. Love. Faith. All are expressed through the passionate and brilliant movements of the body. A year later and the relationship continues. Had I not found dance, another gift would have been left by the waste side. A relationship would have never been found.

A Gift= the one thing you can't live without. The thing that keeps you up at night. That gives you butterflies, but of excitement. That enlightens the world as to who you are.

Food for Thought.
Inspriation for the Soul:

...And they just keep coming

Dictionary.com describes an insecurity as:
1. lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt
2. Not sure or certain; doubtful
3. Not firm or fixed; unsteady

As I get deeper and deeper into this relationship with God, I find that, ironically, I'm faced with these annoyances. An insecurity is a tricky thing to overcome. It seems like as soon as you begin to rid yourself of one, the enemy wants to bring up 4 more, kind of like acne (another common insecurity). Now the questions come. Does she notice me? Why am I so fat? Am I even good enough? Things that you never really had a problem with start to become HUGE road blocks on your walk to Christ. Soon the enemy begins to use these insecurities as reins to curve your life dangerously off course, and the next thing you know your sitting at rock bottom, even lower than you were before. This makes it seem as though trying to get over the main road block in your life is useless if the enemy is going to throw more at you as soon as you try.

This is now the scenario that I find myself facing. As I make my way over this HUGE wall, that has been there for years, I face many more annoyances. The common analogy that I use to describe my life/Christian walk is a track race, (the 400 for all those who know a thing or two about track). For the first 300m, I'm fine. Breathing right, focused on the goal. But right before I get to the last 100m, there's this HUGE brick wall. Now one of two things happen when I get to this wall. Either I'll stop and contemplate going around/over/through it but end up fearing it and turn around, or I'll just run up to it and immediately turn around and start over again. I've been doing these two things for years, but now it actually looks like I'll be able to get through this wall and reach my goal. However a new question/obstacle is introduced. Now that I'm almost through this wall, random insecurities want to show up and try to stop me from completing the last 100m. It's as if the enemy himself is in the audience throwing popcorn, candy, and any other trash item, distracting me from my goal.

Will there ever be an end? I need God to come through and help me finish my race. I need Him to act as security and eject the enemy from the stands. All I need is positivity. Not insecurity.

Facebook is NOT the place to vent.

"You learn something new everyday" is a pretty common phrase that is used by most. It usually pertains to something you learned that about a certain object, like your new remote or your iPod. It is also used when you learn something new in general like about a certain religion. Rarely is this phrase used when talking about yourself. For the most part a person knows who they are, what they like and don't like, their personality (personalities in some cases) so to use this phrase about yourself seems odd. However this happened to me today. I learned something new about myself that I'm not to proud of. When it comes to relationships and liking someone, I find myself falling too hard for them. My mind is fogged by this belief that if I like them enough everything will turn out perfect. I allow myself to fall. Not ever trying to slow myself down. But contrary to what I thought would happen, I end up getting hurt. One would think that once the potential relationship is cut off, I would just move on / get over it, but no. Because I've already invested so much into something false, its hard for me to just get over it. You learn something new everyday. I'm currently in the process of bettering myself, trying to be more serious about God. In this process I've realized that it's going to take a lot of cutting of things that are holding me back. I guess I can add this to my list.

From the Past....

Distance

She’s almost gone.
The smell of her Roger & Gallet perfume still lingers around the spot where she last stood
As if not wanting to completely leave me
As I sit alone on my dull, beige porch
With only the cheerful song of the bluebirds to mock me in my state of sadness.
I know they are coming,
the unwanted thoughts, rather questions, filled with bitterness.
One question seems to stand out as if it were
Underlined, circled, and highlighted amongst
A sea of questions that cannot be answered.
Why?
Why has she been allured by the selfish intents of
Mary Lyon and Abigail Adams?
Her talk of advancements in the Movement fills my
House, drowning me, while she swims gracefully enjoying every minute of it.
As I sit there on my porch contemplating my situation, I stare at
A broken lemonade glass that lies there innocently
On the ground as a result of
My anger, which quickly
Ebbs allowing sadness to flow in and take over my thoughts.
She’s almost gone.
With the leather covered photo album
Clutched in my hand, I became overwhelmed
With thoughts of losing her.
She assures me that she loves me but,
The speed in which she left for the Seneca Falls Convention, the first ever women’s convention,
Tells me different.
She wants to be independent
This I know for sure.
Her eyes, once filled with the passion of our love
In our wedding pictures, was now replaced
With the passion of seeking independence.
She’s almost gone.
As she sinks farther and farther into the
Clutches of willful women,
Stolen from me like candy from a baby,
I sink farther and farther into an endless
Pit of loneliness.
My face becomes wet.
As the tears flow freely on my unwilling cheeks,
they came back,
the unwanted thoughts were ready to attack me again.
This time they were telling me that my relationship with my wife would never be the
Same.
She was gone.
I could no longer hear her car exhaust.
The picture of our wedding stared at me with
Taunting eyes.
It laughed at me, called me a loser, so
I ripped it in two and left it on the porch.
When she got back from her “Convention”, she wouldn’t find
Me.
I would be
Gone.

Signs.

This is a little something I wrote...
Maybe useful to someone out there...


Where do I go from here?
Crossroads. Dead End. Wrong Way.
As I travel on this unpaved road I call life, I frequently come across these same signs. STOP. Sign after sign I tell myself I ask for directions but never do. I don't need them anyways because I have my map. But my map has more holes in it than my heart. (how's that even possible?) I got this I don't need any help. But it turns out that I do. Blinking red. Is the color of my mind. Rage and fury build up but is never released. Pointless is what I think of them. Railroad tracks. Must stop. Again. Guess it doesn't matter how many times I do, I'm still a long way away. Love. Of what though? The road? The finishline? All things are blurred when you can't really see. Rain. Hmm seems fitting. Will I ever get there? Dead end. Where do I go from here?

This Blogging Thing...

Hey!
This is all new to me so here I go.
Recently I went on a Retreat with my youth group Revolution143 and during it I did this thing called Original Design. This was a time to hear what God has put me on this Earth to do and anything else that He wanted me to know about myself. One thing that my youth leader told got was: Write
I've always loved writing but I've always been to lazy to actually do it.
But I think it's time for a new start and this blog hopefully will help me out.
So with that I would like to say: Here's to a new start and a new life.